


❀ for granted.

by miffou



Series: soft soonhoon oneshots ❀ [6]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, and dare i tag..., forever not sure what classifies as angst but ah well, hell yea enjoy reading yall, so that makes this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27670583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miffou/pseuds/miffou
Summary: The backstory of why Soonyoung patiently waits for Jihoon so they can have dinner together.[read time: ~17 minutes]
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: soft soonhoon oneshots ❀ [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679980
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	❀ for granted.

**Author's Note:**

> [inspired by](https://twitter.com/kwonj_hoon/status/1329039758056513536) hojji who waits like a good lil tiger for uji to run around and find him just so they can eat together... we cannot make this up guys this is insane,,

"I'm done for the day!"

Chan pants heavily and flops down to the floor.

Soonyoung glances at Chan before focusing back to the mirror in front of him. His arms move fluidly imitating the motion of waves, connecting seamlessly to his meticulous steps. He repeats his movements, making sure everything is imprinted onto his brain along with thousands other dance routines he's learned for the past 9 years.

"You did well today."

"You too, hyung." Chan replies as he rolls his drained body to the side of the room. His hand reaches for his phone inside his bag and took it out. "It's 10 pm?! No wonder I'm soo starving..."

 _10 pm?_ Soonyoung notes. _It's been_ _6 hours, then._. _He should be done soon._

"What should we eat?" Chan asked as he scrolled on his phone.

"I'll eat later," Soonyoung replies in between his movements.

"Seriously?" Chan stands up, looking at Soonyoung in disbelief. "I know we had late lunch, but you're telling me you're not hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Soonyoung inserts a shrugging motion into his routine in response to Chan.

"You know what? I've been curious," Chan says. "Why do you _always_ need to eat with Jihoon hyung?"

Soonyoung stops dancing. He looks at Chan, who is staring back at him with a confused look on his face. He ponders on how to go with the question that everyone asks all the time. The question he used to ask himself for a while. The question that used to make him wonder for days, searching for the answer.

"Not always," Soonyoung decided to say.

"You deliberately practiced until he's done with work. Why do you wait for him?"

_Why I wait for him? When I could've eaten by myself?_

Soonyoung's mind wanders back to his earlier years - to when Soonyoung and Jihoon eating together was not a regular occurrence. 

//

_It was always us, somehow. The ones left behind, spending more hours to work on what we're lacking but others don't see. They call us workaholics, perfectionists, high-achievers - while all we did was just trying to distract ourselves from the anxiety and restlessness residing at the back of our minds._

//

"5, 6, 7, and jump!"

Jihoon jumped high, but landed with wobbly feet. He huffed and took a look at the other members spread around the practice room. Mingyu and Wonwoo did a great job. Seungcheol was struggling a bit, but at least his landing was steady. As for Soonyoung - well, as always, he was able to do the choreography seamlessly despite having learned at the same time as the others.

Jihoon looked down at his feet and tried to mimic the correct landing position. _It should be like this... isn't it? How the hell are you supposed to do it?_

Sensing someone was looking at him, Jihoon looked at the mirror wall and found Soonyoung staring at him. Soonyoung shot Jihoon a meek smile and scratched his head.

"Sorry, I was just looking.. But you almost got it," Soonyoung said as he approached Jihoon.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! I think your moves are really nice."

Jihoon rolled his eyes internally as he watched Soonyoung getting into position.

"So, you just need to twist it a bit like this, and as you land, you turn-"

"I'll be leaving now. Good job, everyone!"

Soonyoung and Jihoon turned to the source of voice. The dance trainer, who they had been practicing with for the past 5 hours was standing before the door, waving goodbye to everyone in the room.

"You've worked hard!" The members stopped dancing and bowed 90 degrees simultaneously. Everyone was looking exhausted and ready to end the long day.

"It went pretty well today, right?" Seungcheol said as he stretched his tired arms.

"Thank God we can finish early," Mingyu replied. "Should we go have dinner now?"

"Agreed," said Wonwoo.

Jihoon let out a sigh. _Practice time is over, yet I still haven't caught up wit_ _h everyone else. Why do I fall behind so much these days?_

"You guys go ahead, I'll practice a little bit more."

Everyone turned their heads to Soonyoung, who had went back to dancing in front of the mirror.

"Wow.. You still have energy?" Mingyu said, astounded.

Wonwoo chuckled as he packed his bags. "That's Soonyoung for you."

"You're coming?" Seungcheol asked Jihoon.

"Uhh.. I think I'm staying back too."

Upon heading Jihoon's answer, Soonyoung shot a glance at him though the mirror. Jihoon was standing there awkwardly with both hands inside the pocket of his sweatpants seemingly lost in thought. He wanted Soonyoung to teach him more, but he wondered if he would just be in Soonyoung's way.

_Well, if anything, I'll just practice on my own._

"Yeaaahhh, Jihoon!!"

Soonyoung's sudden shout surprised everyone in the room.

"Ah, sorry, sorry. I was just excited to practice some more~" Soonyoung said in a sing-song voice. To that, Jihoon paused and tried to re-evaluate his decision. It hadn't been long since Soonyoung joined the company, and compared to the other three members, he hadn't spend time with Soonyoung a lot outside practice times. _Would this be a good idea?_

"Well then, good luck with the practice!" Mingyu exclaimed. Soonyoung waved and went to turn on the music at the corner of the room. Before walking away, Seungcheol mouthed to Jihoon: _Talk a lot with him!_ as he pointed to Soonyoung's direction. Jihoon grimaced in response, waving back to them until they closed the door.

Jihoon heard the music fill in the room. He turned around to find Soonyoung already absorbed in dancing. The way Soonyoung moves had always awed him, as much it did a month ago when he secretly watched Soonyoung's audition. The sharp turns and angles. The amount of confidence beaming through his eyes. Now that he was looking at it closer, it was clear as day that they were just built different. _Have I not been trying_ _hard enough?_

"What are you doing?"

"Huh?" Jihoon snapped back to reality. He looked at Soonyoung who was staring at him.

"Let's start. You want to work on the jumping part, right?"

Jihoon frowned before saying, "Don't you have something else you want to practice as well?"

"Hmm?" Soonyoung looked back at Jihoon through the mirror. "I just thought you wanted to go over it with me."

"You skipped dinner for this?"

"Yeah. Why?" Soonyoung said with a blank look on his face. "We can just grab dinner together after this. It's a date."

Jihoon grimaced once again, mourning what he thought was one of his bad decisions.

//

_Just like that, it became a habit. For us to stay longer after practice, because it seemed like time was all we had back then. For us to eat together, and get to know each other better. Just like that, we became each other's support as we sprint towards our dream. It was always us, until our world turned upside down in a blink of an eye._

//

"Finally.... done." Jihoon said to himself in triumph, which sounded more like a defeat due to the tiredness in his voice.

He stretched his body and let out a big yawn. It felt like a long time since he hadn't left the studio. Ever since Seventeen got to debut, he was thrilled to make more music for the fans. As the hours he spent in the small room began to grow, he began to see less and less of familiar faces around him. He barely had the time for practice, only showing up when required before he got dragged back to the studio or recording room.

Not being able to practice dancing made him feel a bit bitter sometimes. Thinking back, he grew to enjoy the extra hours spent outside practice to brush up on his skills. At one point, Jihoon was considered as one of the Performance team members, which he took as a big compliment. Being able to be on par with Soonyoung was not an easy feat, after all.

But now he had to settle with staying in front of the computer all day. _I'll definitely get rusty in no time._

After saving his files, Jihoon moved his chair away from the desk and hopped onto the sofa. He reached for his phone to check the notifications. Most of the messages he received were about work, which made him sigh. He didn't want to be ungrateful by complaining about how busy he got, but he did miss the times when things were simpler.

Jihoon opened the messaging app. He saw the red badge numbered "99+" beside Seventeen's group chat name. Jihoon's thumb hovered above it, wondering if anyone was still awake to accompany him to eat at 2am in the morning.

He decided to open the group chat and texted "I'm starving" along with an emoji.

After sending the message, he scrolled back upwards to catch up with the events he missed: Mingyu complaining about mountains of dirty dishes in the sink, Seungkwan accusing everyone for stealing the brand new shirt he'd just bought only to find out he had left the bag in Hansol's room, and Jun sending his daily meme selfies. Jihoon smiled and kept skimming through the chat. He reached the bottom when he stumbled upon a recently sent photo.

His thumb stopped in motion, as if frozen. He just stared at the picture. It was a normal photo. Of Soonyoung and Wonwoo eating dinner together. Along with the message, "We ate meat earlier, sorry Jihoon ♥". _But why did my stomach lurch upon seeing this?_

Maybe because Soonyoung, of all people, should know how much Jihoon hated eating alone. Thinking back, it had been a long time since he had eaten together with Soonyoung. Ever since he stopped spending extra time practicing dance, and ever since Jihoon's day and night turned around 180 degrees.

Jihoon slowly frowned, unsure by whatever feeling was forming in his mind. He despised having to eat by himself, _but it's not like I'm going to die from it_ , he thought. Even better - he could choose whatever menu he wanted without having to give way. Maybe he could try out the new _ramyeon_ dish that he saw on the someone else's post earlier.

_But why do I feel sad?_

Jihoon took another look at his phone. Soonyoung sent another text in the group message.

"Do you want us to go eat with you?"

"It's OK, I'll eat by myself," Jihoon replied.

//

_Did we grow apart?_

_I think we did, even for just a brief period of time. It was enough time for you to allow yourself to overthink once again. About things you shouldn't have to. When we do cross path, you felt cold and distant once again. When you didn't need to. It was almost as if we had gone back in time when we didn't know each other, but somehow worse than being plain strangers. Feels like I know you, but I also don't?_

//

Fast forward one week, and Jihoon was still holed in the studio. He was fretting with the song he was working on when he received a text message. He texted back instantly, trying to get a small relief from the knot inside his head.

Bumzu hyung

How is it going?  
11:29

been better  
11:30

Huh  
11:30

Why?  
11:30

Things aren't working out?  
11:31

would be quicker to tell you what is  
11:31

Just as Jihoon was typing, he heard a knock on the door. He turned around and found Soonyoung's head popping from behind the door.

"Hey. Can I come in?"

Jihoon responded with a small nod, then swivelled back to his computer. _Took him years,_ he thought.He cleared his throat and started to fiddle with his mouse, navigating around the open music program with no clear intention.

Soonyoung sat down on the sofa quietly. Jihoon can feel Soonyoung staring at the computer screen, uttering sounds of admiration from behind.

Soonyoung hadn't been coming to the studio as much as Jihoon thought he would. It was only his second visit, excluding the times Soonyoung visited with the other members. _God knows whatever kept him too busy to pay a visit every now and then._

"Have you eaten dinner?" Soonyoung broke the silence.

"No."

"Want to eat together?"

Jihoon shifted in his seat. He clicked his mouse a little more forcefully. _Save project. Can't be too careful, can we? Save again. And again._

"Well, if you still want to work, I can wait until you're done," Soonyoung said as he propped a small pillow before leaning back, making himself comfortable. "Maybe I'll nap for a bit, since it's nice and cold here, might as well catch up on the hours we-"

"No need. Just go ahead and eat with someone else."

Surprised by Jihoon's blunt reply, Soonyoung sat up slowly. He stared at Jihoon's side profile, his clenched jaw was apparent despite the low lighting of the room.

"Are you sure?"

Jihoon turned to see Soonyoung's concerned face.

"Yeah. No need to wait for me."

"But I want to."

"It'll take long. It's.. not working well. Things."

"All the more reason to take a breather, no..?" Soonyoung said.

Jihoon sighed. He knew Soonyoung was right, but he didn't want to admit it. _But why? Why do I make things harder for myself, and be snappy at people for no reason?_

"Are you mad at me?"

"..Why do you say that?"

"Well, because you haven't talked to me a lot recently, and just now you said you didn't want to eat with me."

Jihoon's mind flew back to Soonyoung's unanswered text messages on his phone. He wasn't trying to ignore him intentionally, but he had been feeling weird ever since _that_ day. Even though Soonyoung was just eating with someone else. _It's not like he can't do that_ , Jihoon thought. He knew full well how ridiculous it would be to make a deal out of it.

Still, whenever the thought crossed his mind, he felt like a knot was tightened inside his chest. But he didn't know why, which was probably why it pissed him off and it got everywhere. To his work, and to Soonyoung.

"I'm not."

"Come on, Jihoon. I know you better than that." Soonyoung said. "It's okay, you can tell me everything. I'll be fine! Anything goes. I'm ready for it."

Jihoon stared back at Soonyoung, who was then looking at him with earnest eyes. He weighed the pros and cons in his head. Pros: Soonyoung might be okay with it, probably will help me stop worrying about this, and definitely will stop him from burdening me with the doe-eyed look. Cons: Making myself sound like the most selfish person in the world.

_I guess it's worth it._

"No judging?"

"None. It stays in this room. My lips are sealed," Soonyoung said as he motioned zipping his mouth.

Jihoon took a deep breath. "Okay. So. It was.. that one time, when I said I was hungry in the group chat."

"When I told you I ate with Wonwoo?"

Jihoon noticed when Soonyoung's face fell. He dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah, that. I don't know why.. but it made me felt sad that you already ate. Before you say anything - I know it's stupid. And selfish. Just, plain absurd. I just... hate eating alone _that_ much. I don't know why. And it made me sad. And it drives me crazy because I couldn't understand why I felt that way."

"Why didn't you just tell me that it made you sad?" Soonyoung asked.

"Because.. You would usually know without me telling," Jihoon said. "I don't know. You know I don't talk about how I feel that much. But you always knew anyway. So.. I thought you would too, and you were just purposely ignoring me and didn't want to hang out with me."

"That's just taking me for granted."

"What?" Jihoon looked up, surprised. Soonyoung looked back with a point-blank look on his face.

"First of all, you are the fool for not telling me if I ever made you sad. Or mad. Just tell me! I won't do it anymore. Let's keep things simple, the way it always works between us. Okay?"

Jihoon nodded as he paid attention to Soonyoung's words.

"Secondly, of course I try my best to understand everyone. I try to be mindful of everyone's mood, just so everyone can get along. But I can't know everything, can I? If I did, I would just be a fortune-teller instead." Soonyoung chuckled. "I'm just a human after all, Jihoon."

Jihoon scrunched his forehead, trying to process all these new information.

"Since we debuted, you got too caught up with producing music. Which is completely understandable, of course! It just.. made me kind of wary not to annoy you. Which is why I haven't been here a lot. Cause I don't want to be a nuisance."

"You're never one," Jihoon said.

"But you never said you liked having me around either."

Soonyoung's reply caught Jihoon off guard. _Oh my God. How bad had it been that Soonyoung had to question whether him being around me was okay to do? Wow, good job, Jihoon._

"Sorry. For.. not letting you know how I feel," Jihoon decided to say. "I'm sorry you had to second guess everything until now. I just.. I really had it easy, not having to say anything and leave it to you to figure me out, right?"

Soonyoung laughed. "I don't mind. You're like an open book to me. Just that, some pages are really, really hard to read."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell you things from now on. And on that note.." Jihoon continued. "You're never annoying. Well, not enough to make me want to kick you out.. _yet_. But anyway, what I'm saying is... You're always welcome here, I guess."

"I'll make myself at home then," Soonyoung said as he smiled.

Jihoon chuckled. "As you wish."

"Anyway, about not asking you to eat with me.." Soonyoung scratched his head. "Actually, I was worried you weren't eating well, so I wanted to at least buy you food, but I was afraid I would be bothering you.. So I asked Chan what to do. He said, 'Some people prefer to eat by themselves! Maybe Jihoon hyung is like that, so don't bother him too much.'"

"Lee Chan, that brat."

"I know. I shouldn't have gone to him for advice," Soonyoung said. "But he was the only one around, so I had no choice."

"..But I think he's got a point." Jihoon said. "I mean, most people would be okay eating by themselves. I'm just the weird one."

Soonyoung didn't reply. He leaned his head against the wall behind him and stared into space. Jihoon leaned back as well, thinking hard as to why this minor thing bugs him so much. _Is it because I feel lonely when I eat alone? ..No, I don't think so. Is it because I want to talk to people as I eat? Is it because I'm afraid I'll choke from rice and have no one to save me? What is it??_

"Jihoon?"

Upon hearing his name, Jihoon stopped pulling his hair and looked at Soonyoung, who was then staring at the ceiling.

"I think, maybe.. Just maybe," Soonyoung murmured, "you just liked sharing what you love with people around you, which makes you enjoy it even more?"

Jihoon tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You also don't like watching movies alone. Or walking around by yourself. But you enjoy all that when you're not alone," Soonyoung continues. "So, perhaps... You feel like time is better spent if it is with others? With people you care about? Because you like to see them being happy. With you."

 _Wait,_ Jihoon thought. _That sort of makes sense. I do feel happy by making people around me happy. Is that why I'm so adamant to eat with other people? To make sure they're eating good food, which in turn makes me happy?_

"....Huh." Jihoon raised his eyebrows. "You never fail to astound me, Soonyoung."

"Why?" Soonyoung turned his gaze to Jihoon, who was looking at him with a dumbfounded smile on his face.

"You might be right. That might be me. Did you just solve my life's puzzle?"

"I did?" Soonyoung shot Jihoon a sheepish grin.

 _How can this person know so many things about me that even I didn't know?_ Jihoon thought. _I've been struggling with this for a week and he took 5 mins to figure it out? What is he?_

Just then, Soonyoung sat up and scooted closer to Jihoon. He leaned to the side, rested his chin on his left hand and just stared at Jihoon.

Perplexed, all Jihoon managed to say was only, "...What?"

"All this time, you felt sad and wanted to eat with me.. So, does that mean I am one of the people you care about?" Soonyoung asked, a soft smile slowly forming on his face.

Jihoon felt a lurch in his stomach. However, this time, there were butterflies.

//

_You had said, you took me for granted. You held an expectation against me that I failed to meet. You said you were disappointed in yourself that you let that get into your head._

_But did you know how much I wanted you to expect something from me?_

_That I wanted you to have the authority to feel whatever it is - be it contentment, anticipation, jealousy - against my actions, and know that you have the right to do so. Because we're not just strangers. We're not just two human beings entwined in something they call fate. Instead, we are two people who had chosen to be in each other's presence. During crucial times, like when our anxiety hit peaks; when we became our own worst critic; when we need to be pulled out from the quicksand we made. And during trivial moments, like breakfasts, lunches, and dinners._

//

"So why do you always need to eat with Jihoon hyung?"

Chan's question brings Soonyoung back from the flashbacks. He smiles and says, "Why not?"

"Well, he can just find someone else to eat with if you're not available. Or he can just eat by himself, right?"

"You know he doesn't like that." Soonyoung walks to Chan's direction. He takes a towel from his bag and wipes the sweat from his face.

"See, that.. That's also weird," Chan says. "What's wrong with eating alone? I actually enjoy that a lot."

"Then you should go eat by yourself since you enjoy it so much, Mr. Lee Chan~" Soonyoung says jokingly as he put his hand on Chan's shoulder. Chan sneers at Soonyoung and starts packing his belongings.

"Sure, Mr. Kwon Soonyoung. Enjoy waiting until the early morning, since you enjoy it so much~"

Just then, a beep comes from Soonyoung's phone. He opens his phone and smiles.

"Seems like I don't have to wait until the morning."

jihoonie 🐳

im done  
10:10

let's go eat, soonyoung  
10:10

  
10:10

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday to the one talented lil tsunbun I vicariously live through, the one I relate to the most out of everyone else, the one who makes me feel like the sky is my limit. ☆☀☾
> 
> (come [say hi](https://twitter.com/miffou))


End file.
